Irish Stories
Irish storytelling is an aimless, meandering, stream-of-consciousness narrative form that has frequently appeared throughout the podcast, most notably with the official introduction of Irish animator Niall Murray in SleepyCast EP 04: The Ghosts of Grandma's Genitals. This unorthodox method of storytelling manages to be simultaneously confusing, infuriating, and endearing. Attributes "Irish stories", as they were coined by animator Will Stamper'', are ostensibly pointless anecdotes rife with circumstancial plot details that branch off into bizarre tangents and erase any relevance to the story's original premise. Story arcs are abandoned as quickly as they are established, and any notions of character motivation or development are left hanging higher and harder than a summarily executed war criminal. Their complete abscence of anything resembling a resolution and the inevitable emotional unfullfilment that follows make them the literary equivalent of giving somebody a case of blue balls. '''Prevalence' The storytelling technique is primarily seen in schizotypal indviduals afflicted with a formal thought disorder, individuals afflicted with chronic neurodegenerative dementia, and the Irish. Origins One of the first notable appearances of these stories and their calling out came with Murray's official introduction to the podcast in SleepyCast EP 04: The Ghosts of Grandma's Genitals. While discussing the subject of hypnagogic and hypnopompic hallucinations, Murray related once having dreamt he was urinating only to awaken and realize he had also done so in reality. He then recounted an event in which he had almost wet the bed during his first stay at a girlfriend's house: NIALL: Oh my God, she's gonna fucking kill me now, but... the first night I stayed at my girlfriend's house, I was like, 'Aw, yeah...' So she let me stay in the spare bed, then I fucking pissed the bed a little bit, just a little bit. I woke up before the fucking stream came fucking flowing, and then I ran to the bathroom, and I somehow covered it up the counter and managed to wash the sheets and dry them before anyone woke up. But, anyway, what I was gonna say is, I think I have mild schizophrenia because sometimes I always see these people at the side of my fucking eyes and when I look, they're gone. And I told Zach about this and he told me to ask Stamper about the Shadow People. So Stamper, what the fuck are the Shadow People?'' ''A BEAT. STAMPER: That's where your story was going?'' ''ZACH:' Yeah, what the fuck? You went from peeing the, that's such a 'Cory Story...' CHRIS: '''NICE SEGUE, RETARD... '''Naming The name of "Irish Stories" was originally coined by Stamper, after listening to Niall recount a time when he and his father went fishing, and he wet his pants because he couldn't catch a fish, which disappointed his father, in SleepyCast EP 09: Checking Our Privileges: NIALL: ''This is how tragic my life is: My dad used to take me out fishing, and we used to go about five times each summer for years, and we never once caught a fish between us. But, like, I was so bad at it that once, I pissed my pants, and my dad was so disappointed that we didn't catch a fish and that I pissed my pants.'' ZACH: '''Did you piss your pants because you didn't catch a fish, or were you nervous? What'd you piss your pants for? ''NIALL: I just pissed my pants.'' ''JEFF: What is it with these stories Irishmen tell? "This one time I went to the lake and...I pissed my pants, then uh...someone threw a rock at me. The end!" I don't know what it is with these stories you guys-...you and Chris are like: "This one time I was running down the road, and there was a bug, and I stepped on it, and someone...spit in my eye. I had the worst day ever because someone spit in my eye!"'' ''STAMPER: THAT'S SO TRUE!! THAT IS SO TRUE!!! Your stories are so all over the place!'' ''NIALL: But...if you let me finish my story, it wouldn't be so all over the fucking place!'' ''STAMPER: IT ALREADY 'IS '''ALL OVER THE PLACE!! '''... ''STAMPER: '''Oh, my God, dude, Niall. If you were a hitman, you would be like, "Alright, so I went up to the top of the bell tower...and I had the guy in my sight...and then I put my gun down and I ate a chocolate bar...and then I went back and..." It's like, what does the chocolate bar have to do with you killing somebody? '''THOSE ARE IRISH STORIES!!"' Precursors Despite their national namesake, Irish stories are not limited to Murray or fellow Wexfordian Chris O'Neill. In SleepyCast EP 02: Spaghetti Birds, Cory Spazkid went through a torrent of derailing stories sharing similar attributes to the ones mentioned above.